A friend of mine invented this word awhile back.  It means having the appropriate amount of shame.  It’s going to catch on.  Sooner or later.

Lest you think this is a completely unnecessary word, consider the fact that shameless and shameful are opposites, but are both distinctly negative.  Beshamed is a positive descriptor that falls perfectly between the two.  Speaking of shame…

I had to work late tonight (I’m quite beshamed to say that “working late” is still before 7…), and I had a meeting right afterwards.  I had planned on waiting to have dinner after my meeting (roughly 9pm, which is pretty late, if you know me), but I was starving when I left work at 6:30.  So I did what every rational human being would do: I stopped at the chick-fil-a on my way and got the nuggets kid’s meal.  You don’t do that?  What?!

So if I’m really honest with myself, I’m more than beshamed about this.  I’d describe it more as “shameful”.  I don’t know which I’m more ashamed of, the fast food or the kid’s meal.

Why is there so much shame associated with our food choices?  I don’t mind saying that I’m judgmental of other people’s eating habits.  I don’t appreciate when they’re judgmental of mine, yet I always anticipate their being so.  Hypocrisy?  You betcha’!  And I’m beshamed.  Trust you, me: I’m beshamed.

If you’re getting tired of my 30 rock references, you can deal with it!

Random side note: sometimes, I make your mom jokes.  Pretty much nobody finds them as amusing as I do.  That’s kind of how I feel about stupid TV references.  … if you even got that they were TV references.

So pretty much all I think about is food.  We discussed this.  A small percentage of my time is therefore spent on both men and food.  And I have some thoughts on this.

First, it’s probably a deal-breaker if a guy is a picky eater.  I’m not trying to be shallow here.  Really, I’m not.  I just enjoy cooking far too much to really spend the rest of my life with somebody who wouldn’t enjoy eating whatever I cook.  I might rethink this if the right guy came along, but I sort of doubt it.

Second, it’s probably a deal-breaker if a guy won’t tell me when my food isn’t any good.  I’m not saying he should be a jerk.  I certainly don’t believe that.  But he should be able to kindly tell me what I should have done differently.  It secretly annoys me when people say that everything I make is the best ever.  I want to get better, but I need some help.  And I feel dumb when I’m the only one saying, “Yes, these are good, but I think I should have cut the salt since I used salted butter.”  Actually, I don’t feel dumb.  I feel like that girl who is begging anyone to tell her there wasn’t too much salt in her scones.  And that’s not it at all.

Third, it’s probably a deal-breaker if he’s obsessive about a diet regimen.  I’m not opposed to healthy eating.  You know I’m not.  But I don’t need somebody guilting* me every time I want to eat some french fries.

Fourth, it’s probably a deal-breaker if he doesn’t share food.  I want to eat off of his plate, and I want him to eat off of mine.  Elizabeth says you should just try this out on the first date, and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.  I’m not so sure, but I really hate being afraid to do something that feels so natural to me.

* Apparently “guilting” isn’t a word.  I was distressed by the red underline chrome was giving me, so I looked it up.  I got this message: “No results found for guilting: Did you mean guilting?”  What gives?!

I like to day dream.  I do it pretty much all the time.  Most of the time, it’s about food.  That fact makes me feel like Liz Lemon.  Which I’m secretly proud of.

“Don’t say that.  He had some good moments.  [Flashbacks to the ex bringing her food on multiple occasions]  I guess they were mostly food related.  But he was always nice to me.” – Liz Lemon

Part of me is ashamed by how much I think about food.  Which is pretty much always, if you’re wondering.  The other part of me assumes that everyone else does it too.  I think there are a lot of things we do that we pretend we don’t do so nobody judges us, but actually everyone does it.  Like seat dancing in your car.  Or eating peanut butter from a spoon.  Or imagining you’re hosting a cooking show whenever you’re cooking.  Wait, you don’t do that?  Oh…

Skylar: Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?
Will: Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.
Skylar: What?
Will: When you think about it, it’s just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.
Skylar: [laughs] Okay, sounds good.

I keep thinking I’ll call up my old roommate to hang out this evening.  Why does “hang out” translate to “get dinner” or “eat junk food while watching a movie” in my head?  I always thought my relationship with my TB was food-centered because of who the TB and I were.  Now that I’m dating other guys, it’s struck me as particularly interesting how often guys use food to show you how they feel.  Chocolate, cupcakes, picnics, nice restaurants… can you even go out with a guy without the involvement of food?

I watched Julie and Julia last night.  In case you’re not familiar with other food blogs, blogging about food rarely, if ever, takes the form that it does in this movie.  I am not trying to be Julie.  Still, I’ve been reading the original blog.  It’s interesting, and it further solidifies my belief that secretly, everyone thinks about food… pretty much all the time.  At the very least, Julie, Julia, and I do.  Feel free to join us.

P.S. As I was writing this, I was watching 30 Rock.  I got really excited when I saw Liz Lemon wearing a sweater that I so totally own.

… so I wanted to make a birthday cake for my friend.  A man.  Yes, I have friends who are men.  And thus the complications.

Will it send the wrong message?

I’m sure I don’t know.  People started telling me “yes, it will send the wrong message.  unless you’re into him.  then it sends exactly the right message.”  Then this made me start questioning all of the times I’ve baked for men in my life.

To Chris, John, James, Jeff, Dominic, and the rest of you: I am not a promiscuous foodie.  (That’s a lie.  I am, but in the sense that I eat a lot, not in the sense that I use food to seduce men.)

The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

I feel like Rob Gordon from High Fidelity would have something to say about this, but I really should go to work at some point this morning.  Points to the person who can come up with an applicable quote.